Apollo G's for the delay, but I really want to start exploring this column a little more... And start spelunking it like it was a cavernous cove o' catacombs... Obviously, cuz it just makes me giggle to think about. Anywho, raise your gnarfists for me if you've never been delighted by the audio presence of the gentlemen in the Berkeley 80's punk outfit, Fang... That's right. I see you, assflutes. I see you... Anyway, in a quick and painless refresher for you moonheads that fit into that category, Fang is usually aligned in the crop of bands like The Wipers, Melvins, Flipper, etc that laid the blueprint for that little-talked-about scene that popcorned out of some coffee-drinking city in Washington state in the early 90's. I think they called it grainge or gringe, or something, I forget... But regardless, no matter how sludgy and crazy fang got (or even downright, dare i say, experimental) this one song in particular just always piqued my interest the most cuz of its red-flag, should-i-be-singing-along-to-this, and-if-do-will-i-go-to-hell nature. And maybe cuz mi madre teaches Special Ed kids didn't help either... But regardless, it never failed to get my fist pounding on the steering wheel while I awkwardly yelled "Destroy the Handicapped!" at frightened people in neighboring cars at stoplights. And that seriously is the bee's knees to me, folks... So check out the lyrics below and see if you agree with me on the induction of Fang's wonderful anti-challenged swan song into our Momentary Lapse of Evil Hall of Fame...
"Destroy the handicapped!! (4x)
Don't like those wheelchairs
Wanna push 'em down the stairs
They get in my way
They make the goverment pay
They run into me
They drool all over me
They don't know how to pee
God help me
Destroy the handicapped!! (4x)
Blind people can't see
They bump into me
Deaf people can't hear
They have defective ears
Line em up against the wall
Throw a grenade, watch 'em fall
They are so fuckin' lame
They're scared to run away
Destroy the handicapped!! (4x)"
....... And for the uninitiated, here is some live footage of Fang from 1986... I couldn't find any of them doing 'Destroy the Handicapped', but this little ditty in the vid is pretty much the one they're known for...
Fang - "The Money Will Roll Right In" (live)
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