GnarVideo of the Week: The Bronx - "Knifeman"

It's been a while since the last GnarVideo, but fret not... we still love you. This week's installment of our column masquerading as a finger on the pulse of the music video scene comes from the swaggeringly vicious LA boys in The Bronx. Though their latest self-titled album, unofficially referred to as The Bronx III, had the kids divided, I still will always give these bruisers the benefit of the doubt. Also, anyone that's seen them live can attest to their devotion to the sound... the energy... the power... the heart... the sexiness... the sleaziness... and the violence. So arguments about the quality of the latest album aside, we bring you their video for the single entitled "Knifeman".

This is the second video from III, though I personally consider it the first... Since their first one was just a song over some weird wrestlers in S&M-ish Tron outfits and shit. And frankly, I consider any video that doesn't have the band in it (either just acting out a narrative or pantomiming rocking the fuck out) as a serious cop-out (with the only exception being that Pearl Jam/Todd McFarlane animated video, which was the tits... The video, not the band or the song). Anywho, this latest one, like almost all their videos prior, has a very clever catch to it. This time being: the band rocking the fuck out underwater, in a pool, with their instruments and whatnot... Yes. That simple. Yet it totally makes me smile like a grin like a fuckin dummy dumdum, and I hope you do to. Have fun.

The Bronx - "Knifeman"

GnarVideo of the Week: Every Time I Die - "Wanderlust"

In the immortal words of Thin Lizzy... the boys are back in town.

The Buffalo Shitty Dudes Extraordinaire have just released their first video from their upcoming album, The New Junk Aesthetic... and upon watching it, I am perplexed. Earlier this year, all the articles about ETID's album in the works claimed that they were "going for heavy again, something between Last Night in Town and Hot Damn!, a sound they were unconsciously drifting from with the last two albums, blah bitty blah blah blah"... However! This song sounds strikingly and solidly still in the southern/hard rock/groove/core vibe they seemed to always be growing towards, not really changing the current formula... Although! I will keep a verrrrrry open mind and sit anxiously hoping and wishing that this new album WILL live up to the early descriptions... the descriptions that sent me from 6 to midnight in three seconds flat.

Anywho! The video lies just south of this mini paragraph, and decide for yourselves how you feel about it. Honestly, the film stock treatment to the video footage is pretty rad, I really can't complain... except for some cuts of Keith looking shocked and closing a door that look the same over and over (just wait. you'll see)... Oh, and an interesting sidenote, all the drawn animation portions of the video were done by ETID's own second guitarist, Jordan. He also did the cover art of the new album, which you can see at the end of the vid when Keith puts his hands on his eyes... watch for it! ... Now eat it, fatboy. Enjoy!

Every Time I Die - "Wanderlust"

GnarVideo of the Week: HeWhoCorrupts - "Master of Profits"

I'm seriously beginning to smell a theme running rampant through this column of ours... and one could assume that this theme in question is probably that of this that probably is of what we assume would and could only be "brutal fucking comedy". Sorry folks. It appears we love to rage just as much as we love to slip into a comfy pair of gigglepants (and spaghetti-writing for comedic effect, apparently). So we admit it, we like to snicker a bit and maybe let loose a healthy guffaw while relishing in the violence and aggression of the shitshow that is our tastes.

So regardless, we present yet another exercise in the delicious comedy/brutality cocktail we do so much enjoy. This week's installment comes from the Homeland ("Chicago" for the uninitiated) by way of the sinister, evil, nudity and piccolo snare-friendly, money-hungry corporation parading themselves as a chaotic hardcore group called HeWhoCorrupts. As audience members, we get to take a front row seat to quite possibly the most amazing 9-5 cubicle world ever recorded on video... If only my workday could be so entertaining... I don't want to give anything away, for it needs to be seen to be believed, but I shall leave you with the drabbest (yet most poignant) summary of what your about to watch... from one of the corporations own PR agents: "Under pressure from CEO Tommy Camaro, the boys from Hewhocorrupts take to the office and discover an ingenious way of making money." Enjoy... Cuz I've got two words for you, and they aren't Happy Birthday.

GnarVideo of the Week: The Acacia Strain - "Skynet"

ALL HAIL HUMOR IN AGGRESSIVE MUSIC... There, I said it... And it shouldn't be taken lightly... As you know, we here at the Belly are no strangers to mixing the funny with the brutality in such a way that after reading a couple posts, you faithful Bellions get treated to a delightful tingling feeling in your swimsuit area and the urge to continue on with your day suddenly able to ignore your complete contempt for the world around you which usually taunts you with the idea of taking the big dirtnap after a siesta with your head in the oven... It's cuz we're here for you! ... So naturally, we'd be drawn to like-minded individuals that see the power and splendidness in blending hilarity with the pummeling.

So in saying that, The Acacia Strain are these kinds of individuals... case in point, their new video for "Skynet" off of their latest record, Continent. Sidenote, not only does it bring the funny, TAS set out to accomplish a task that up until now was only left up to African American stand-up comedians... and what is that? ... well... damning the white population into the goofy nerdy unhip painfully-square stereotype that we are, of course. If I lost you with that last line, confused as to how a group of burly inked sledgehammer-hardcore merchants could accomplish such a feat, just click the play button and bask in the glory... YES WE CAN!

SKYNET

GnarVideo of the Week: Don the Reader - "Reader"

Silhouetted violence!!

Honestly, who doesn't love mile-a-minute cuts, harsh lighting, and silhouetted band members going mach 5 apeshit on their instruments? ... Nobody. Except maybe Jeff. But we all know Jeff's a cunt. ( 'Jeff' will play the role of the all-encompassing character in all our lives who just can't help being a total dicktard... I know we all have at least one). Regardless, feast on some awesomeness, and give Don the Reader a second spin. I know I'm about to right this second... cuz somehow their album that came out a couple months ago just slipped through the cracks due to the volume of shit coming into my hands. But on quick perusal right now, I wish it hadn't... Enjoy.

GnarVideo of the Week: iwrestledabearonce - "Tastes Like Kevin Bacon"

Can ya feel it, kids? That simultaneous tingle of the back of the neck and just beyond the balls? That one that starts the full body shiver shakedown? ... That's your central nervous system alerting your cerebral cortex that the Belly is back in full swing. Duh, girl.

So the one column that I think regrettably fell by the wayside (nobody's fault but our own... sorry, these brews had to be downed then these kids had to be driven to school. aka we got busy. assholes.) was the GnarVideo, and I am so happy to bring it back out of its coma, since everyone knows how I get a Voltron mecha-boner anytime a band I dig takes the time to put out something engaging that I can watch and enjoy during the time I spend daily, angrily looking at their myspace tour dates that never seem to list my city... Anyway, if you haven't already indulged yourself in Century Media and Heavy Hitter's new grind/ synth-metal/ dark-ambient/ hardcore-freakout/ sample-junkie/ technical prodigies iwrestledabearonce yet, consider yourself on notice. These asshats got their shit together and they're steamrolling at an incredible rate. Also, I am a firm believer in the power of marrying comedy and brutality (see: the Red Chord and Every Time I Die for further proof) and these kids bring it in spades. Whether using the theme from Inspector Gadget for the riff of a breakdown, choosing samples like a jalopy car horn to usher in a tune, or just the video below, they spare no expense in the department of just having a good time... while melting faces. Even their merch is fucking incredible (see here, here, and here)... Not to keep rambling, but sidenote, their singer is also a damn fox. And that is something the Hell Fulla Belly can always get behind... And that wasn't meant in a creepy sexual predator way... Or was it?

So..... What the problem is? Enjoy.

GnarVideo of the Week: Mastodon - "Seabeast"

I noticed it's been a bit since we tossed you cats a zesty GnarVideo, and I know Wednesday is supposed to be the day for it, but F it, we missed it a couple times now, so here it is! It's also been a while since the Atlanta bruisers in Mastodon have showed their grizzled faces on the Belly. So breathe a sigh of relief Bellions, for the GnarVids are back... and the wooly Mastodons are ushering them back in.

Anywho, onto the real subject of this weekly column -- the videos. I forget how I stumbled back across this little gem of yore, but I am so fuckin' glad I did. I seriously had to watch the following video at least three times in a row to fully embrace it in all its glory. I would go on record and say it is absolutely gorgeous in most gnar way possible. From the film grain black and white stock, to the subtle skip of the footage, to the concept and execution, to the visuals and art direction... just simply flawless. Also, it manages to show the band jammin' out to the ditty without having to sully the video in some sort of cliche way... I'll stop here before I keep rambling and end up proposing to the video.

Take it for a spin, ace... See if you agree with me:

Mastodon - "Seabeast"

GnarVideo of the Week: The Chariot - "They Faced Each Other"

All hail the concept video that actually fuckin works!

I just imagine when a band sits down with a director for a chatterboxing about how they are going to accomplish cookin' the rad with their new video, a lot of bullfuck ideas get thrown into the mix. That's why videos with horrendous CGI green-screen work, asinine car chases, and goofy theatrics that sully the original song exist in the music world today. But every once in a while a concept comes around that is executed in such an airtight manner that you can't help but wonder why the damn nobody has tried to land it before... This video is one of these said cases... Fuckin' tenfold.

As you can gather from the preview-still on the video player below, the gist of what lays ahead is sprawled out on the kitchen counter for ya. By all accounts, a simple premise, but as youtube has shown us time and time again, the sequential ordering of still images is an unforgiving bitch. However! In this video, The Chariot scamps bring the snazz and blur the brutal like we all knew they would. Having a photographer snap away 10 grand o' shots of the guys sledging away at their chosen track while sprinkling in the always necessary melee as well, and then assembling half of these pics into a flipbook of destruction(!) ... Not sure if that warranted an exclamation or not, so you get a subliminal one that you can utilize if you see fit... Oh, and also, this vid is honor of The Chariot show next week with Poison the Well... Be there cuz we're squares, jerkcity.

The Chariot - "They Faced Each Other"

GnarVideo of the Week: Lamb of God - "Redneck"

Who doesn't like a fuckin' balls-to-the-wall gnarparty, slammin' around til your ribs hurt, and rockin' out with your girl's hens out? .... Nobody.... Especially when it's ALSO at a children's backyard bday party!

And that's exactly what the fellas in Lamb of God served up to us in their video for 'Redneck'... You know, I really have to give Randy and the guys a lot of credit for this video. Not only was he taking a bold move in going for the stormtrooper skinhead look with his hairdo choice (a move that I haven't decided what my feelings are towards it yet), but also by taking their brand of 'pure american metal' and pushing it in a different direction away from the cliche metal music video. Meaning, they decided to tread into territory that only the Every Time I Die boys could tame: inserting comedy into brutality... And shitterfuck, did they do a good job... Seriously, do we really need another video of a singer puffing out his chest, yelling his head off while his band rocks out like mad in a decrepit, wasteland of a warehouse? ...Ok, fine, sure we do... But regardless! Check out this video and see if LoG's own backwards fuckified take on 80's houseparty videos lives up to the credit I'm giving it.... Enjoy!

Lamb of God - "Redneck"

GnarVideo of the Week: Against Me! - "Stop"

I know for some reason people are becoming divided on this band... But I, for one, will always take the position that I stand behind these cats, in whatever decisions or ventures they choose. However, their validity and relevance is not what's up for fuckin' discussion here... This is a Gnarvideo post, riptigers! So anywho, this new video for a cut off their album, New Wave, was spit out onto the interweb this week, and slip-slided across our Belly radar... At first, honestly, it'd didnt grab right me off the bat (black and white, band playing on a tv show while the band is also watching said band on the tv... got it, alright) ... UNTIL there was a quick shot of a familiar face, clean shaven and in a suit!! ... And who was this pseudo-dapper gentleman with a giant grin on his face?? Well it was that lovable hulking scamp, Paddy Costello from Dillinger Four! .... Holyfuckdamnshitfuckassdamn! ... Dropping this bomb on the viewers instantly made the video turn into fucking gold, in my opinion. And also cuz you know how much us Fellas of the Belly absolutely loooooove destruction.

So check it out... Watch Paddy play a drunken, square, washed-up talk show host with the greatest of ease and skill, harkening an airtight performance like Ben Afleck in his career-making role in Reindeer Games. The decision to cast the Padrock should instantly saintify the AM! boys for everyone... Have a looksee and decide for yourself, jerkfaces...

Against Me! - "Stop"

GnarVideo of the Week: Hour of the Wolf - "Spit It Right Back"

Zombies.

Sick fuckin' basement show.

What else do you need to hear?

Well, seeing as though you're still reading on and not watching this crowning music video achievement, even after I told you there are damn zombies at a sick gnarfest basement show in it, I'll just assume you're a trainable and have stumbled across this beautiful site whilst on your break from collecting shopping carts in parking lots or toweling trays dry after they've been washed at McDonald's... But either way, you're here, nesting down with us, and trying to get some selfish spooning going so you can secretly feel the friction against our fuckprods... Even if but only digitally... And for that, we thank you! And which is also why we try to cram you up to the gums in vids that should be more than just blips on your radar...

So anyway, this one is no different... it's from one of the sickest bands going strong right now, it's low low budget (always a plus), and it's got fuckin' zombies in it!!! ... Eat it. Cuz I love it.

GnarVideo of the Week: Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - "Carroll 14 Wossman 7"

Thank damn for myspace, sometimes it really does come in handy... I was alerted to this week's little ditty simply from TDTE's profile name on the diespace ("Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza NEW VID POSTED!!!")... Yes, pretty blunt. So anywho, my interest was piqued and I proceeded to traverse into their profile to investigate. Scolling down their page, I came upon the focus of my hunt and giddily anticipated awesometown as it buffered... Oh shit, and boy did i get my belly full of it... The video comes straight out the gates like a bearfight on my forehead. Its a perfect example of the insert-band-in-some-abandoned-location-add- instruments-turn-it-up-to-eleven-and-proceed-to-rock-off-faces equation. At further investigation, apparently there's a second version of this video on its way. One that apparently will apparently be apparently some apparent sort of apparently unrated "director's cut" (obviously or hopefully with cameos from Scarface, Donnie Darko, Gummo, and Jesse Spano in Striptease), but for now we just have to dance to this "band only" version... Oh well, still radface in itself... Take a look-see for yourself, scraps. And wait for the ultimate rock middle finger (the Chris Rock drop of the mic when the song is over) at the end... gnarbeauty.

Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza - "Carroll 14 Wossman 7"

GnarVideo of the Week: A Melvins Two-fer

Bruisers, you are sooo damn lucky I am in such a gnar-generous mood today... Or maybe your just lucky cuz I'm an indecisive gnarbastard.

Anywho, I woke up this morning, and on the walk to the subway I really had an insatiable urge to just get dropped on by a two-ton slab of heaviness/goodness, and spinning the roulette wheel of my fightPod one golden name seemed to stab me in the retina while everything else faded back into oblivion... It was the only band that could do me justice with my said hunger... The one and only Melvins. So I got to work, knowing that I didn't yet post up the GnarVideo of the Week yesterday, and proceeded to try and track down one of my favorite videos as a youth: the pummelingly grim, x-ray heavy "Hooch" by the Melvins. But much to my dismay, all I could find was a clip of when the video was on Beavis and Butthead, and you could barely hear the song in the background with all the chatterboxing from those two animated numbskulls... So the search continued, until I was reminded of the two gems below. And honestly, I just couldn't decide which one to pick, so you fuckers are gonna get both of 'em jammed straight into your facehole! But seriousado, I love these two videos because they're kind of the same kind of concept [kind of]... Basically, put the Melvins somewhere in a live setting and have an unusual audience. Sounds simple right? But instead, the outcomes are incredibulldozer. "Honey Bucket" has them in a barn in the middle of nowhere playing to a bunch of sheep and asses ('asses' used here as slang for 'donkeys', not slang for 'hipsters'). And "Lizzy" has a wonderful audience of rough-and-tumble lesbians ready to cut you within an inch of your life [*rad]. So enjoy this week's helping of gnar, and be sure to watch out for my favorite moment in "Honey Bucket" (in the first five seconds or so, when the bassist appears to have been standing there, with his arms powerviolencely crossed, then gets his cue and dips straight into battlerock mode in zero seconds flat... glorious). So without further adieu...

Melvins - "Honey Bucket" (the one with the sheep)


Melvins - "Lizzy" (the one with the lesbians)

GnarVideo of the Week: Crowpath - "Chased, Caught, and Charged"

Alright, lemme just shoot straight from the hip with this one... So you know my intentions with this post... A) I woulda picked a different track for Crowpath to make a video for, cuz they honestly have made some sick grindy-groovy stuff in the past, and this isn't one of my faves. B) Please ignore the stale energy of "live" Crowpath in this video (it reminds me of shitty high school metal bands we used to see at skate parks back in the day). C) .... oh yes, amazing C) Take note of the stunning concept and the execution of said concept in this video, because THAT is why it has been made this week's GnarVideo. And the concept in question is Crowpath playing soooooooo gnarly that it makes the audience in attendance (oddly, a weirdo creepfactory reception of some sort) bleed from every oriface in their heads!! Why has no one else ever thought of this?? .... I'm looking at you Ted Nugent... With your sexy riffs that can change old beater cars into rad convertibles, or dumpy broads into hot chicks in string bikinis... Get on the ball, Nuge. The kids want blood. Anyway, not only the oriface bleeding, but wherever they got this crazy cast of characters for the audience is beyond me. I just wanna hang out with this failure flock all weekend! Sit back and enjoy, Bellions, if only for the reception scenes...

Crowpath - "Chased, Caught, and Charged"

GnarVideo of the Week: The Jonbenet - "Behold the White Whore"

Out of all the past GnarVideo posts, never once have we here at the Belly picked one that wasn't clever in some way, or didn't have some interestingly rad schtick to it... but this time we felt like unleashing a vicious one that doesn't need any of that delicious jazz, and just cuts out the fat. This video just plain out shreds because it is so simple and pure... like a pummeling little packet of Sugar in the Raw... with fangs... I dunno, I just feel something still is to be said about sticking some dudes in a room, hit on the low lighting, have 'em rock out passionately like their manhood depends on it, edit it with so many renegade, skillful camera cuts that it feels like a digital seizure, and for kicks, maybe throw in a swinging bare light bulb... Done. Fuckin stick a fork in it... But anyway, these duders lucked the hell out -- had a great idea, a great director, and a great vibe. Thank damn that no one thought to bring in a giant neon sign, a crunk chalice, and some animated bulldickcrap... Thank damn indeed.

The Jonbenet - "Behold the White Whore"

GnarVideo of the Week: HALLOWEEN EDITION

Happy Day After Devil's Night, numbskulls! ... (I think today is also known in some small parts of the country as "Halloween", or something to that effect) ... but more importantly, it's Wednesday! And you know what that means... another lethal dose of our picks for GnarVideo of the Week -- spooky-style.

All joshin' aside, we have finally made it to the most important day of the year, and the most important holiday ever dreamed up by man (with St. Patty's and Flag Day coming up a close second and third, respectively, in the race). So on this special day of days, we've decided to be generous and give you greedy bastards not one, but THREE GnarVideos on this marvelous Wednesday. First off are two of the greatest (and most cleverly titled) songs about this holiday in question... now get creepy creepy spookfest with yourselves, kids.

Misfits - "Halloween" (live)


Dead Kennedys - "Halloween" (live)


And to keep true to the actual purpose of this column (to alert to you to the radness in new video form, or something) ... BUT still keeping with the theme of Halloween, we have selected one of quite possibly the greatest music videos of all time... maybe soley for the sexy over-abundance of Teen Wolf references... and maybe even more so for all the rad 'staches running rampant throughout it.... either way, the shit jams, and we are jamming with it... in fangs and hairy palms.

Every Time I Die - "We'rewolf"

GnarVideo of the Week: Ed Gein - "Bastard"

New category, true believers! Every Wednesday we'll grease you up with a new video that oozes so much powerviolence that you might need to wear a poncho... so saddle up, cuz it's movie time.

For the inaugural GnarVideo, I picked Ed Gein's vid that I found on Black Market Activities' site... on first watch, I was completely blown away, not only by the vicious song that gives the urge to straight-up pummel, but the whole concept of it. Simple in its attack, but oh so sweet and delicious. Who the hell wouldn't want Gein doing what they do best as an infestation, like cockroaches, in your house. But it looks like the protagonist (for sake of imagery, we'll call him Chubby Chubchub Shitty-Neckbeard) just can't hang, and won't put up with the thrashing-grindy-mess in every room of his house and just bails.... you sir, are a d-bag... But I kid, we know this isn't real life. And I really have to hand it to the people who worked on and made this video... the editing, razor sharp cuts, and the acting on Chubchub's part are simply superb... so all in all, GNAR.

And so I give to you... Ed Gein - "Bastard":