Review Your Face Off: Carnifex - "Hell Chose Me"

Regular readers of this blog know that I love me some Carnifex, so let’s just say I’m going into this review a little biased. However, I would like to point out that I had some apprehension before my first listen. Carnifex is on Victory Records, which is by far one of the crappiest labels in existence, and bands have been known to slowly turn into the pathetic metalcore known to be put out by the label that made Hawthorne Heights and Atreyu popular. Since Hell Chose Me would be the second release for the ‘Fex on Victory, I had to wonder if the new record would be a bunch of over-produced, watered-down garbage made for boys in eyeliner and tours with Hatebreed. Beyond that, as much as I have praised the idea of death metal with hardcore breakdowns, I will readily admit that deathcore is already starting to get stale, so I would not have been surprised if Carnifex’s new offering sounded fairly familiar.

Well Bellions, you can plainly see from the header that this album was not good enough to make it into the coveted “So Sick It Hurts” category, but that doesn’t mean it was bad. The release is actually pretty solid, but I don’t think it was anywhere near as interesting as the band’s last album, The Diseased and the Poisoned, which was just fucking destructive as all hell. But let me give credit to the band for trying to keep things a little fresh. There were some changes made to the sound, although I don’t think they necessarily made anything better or worse. For example, the growled, death vocals are not as prevalent, instead being replaced with more of the black metal sound. I personally liked the Cookie Monster vocals, but in the big scheme of things this didn’t really come off as a big deal. As for the music itself, Carnifex delivers an album that is played with more speed and less breakdowns than before. I would say the shift sort of resembles what Job for a Cowboy did a few albums back, moving away from the “-core” aspect and more toward the “death.”

Speaking of the breakdowns, those present on this album lack the insanity they have in the past, which is disappointing. One of my favorite things about Carnifex was how intense all that chugging could get. Oh well. While I’m complaining, I also want to point out that the album art is lame as balls.

So where exactly do I stand on this album? I’d say it’s worth the listen, but I can’t tell anyone to run out and buy it. I think this release sort of gives us an idea of where the genre of deathcore is going. By that I mean this: Bands will probably realize that they need to change things up a bit, but nobody is going to figure out how to make things as exciting as they were a few years ago.

Review Your Face Off: Lewd Acts - "Black Eye Blues"

San Diego is home to many things, most of which I can't think of right now. However, there is one important thing that comes to mind, and that happens to be the band Lewd Acts. I think you should know about them and their album on Deathwish Inc., so I'm going to give you the lowdown.

If you are a fan of raw and gnarly hardcore, then you need to set aside some time to rage out to Black Eye Blues. Lewd Acts isn't here to try and start a new scene or fit into the latest trend; these fellas are keeping hardcore true to its roots. This record is chock-full anthems for those with bleak views on pretty much everything. While other bands are pumping out crap that remains irrelevant to their audience, Lewd Acts manages to hit home with listeners by taking the time to show they actually give a shit about what they are putting out for consumption.

Most of the album keeps a fantastic amount of energy, but at times it does seem to get a little slow and even drag. It's alright though, because there is a lot more good on this record than bad. Songs like "Young Lovers, Old Livers" and "Wide Black Eyes" will bring you back to the times before hardcore was a fashion show. You'll be screaming along to this like you did the first time you heard Minor Threat (or The Counting Crows, depending on how you were raised).

So there you have it; this album isn't so sick it hurts, but it's definitely worth checking out.

Here's Lewd Acts live playing "Penmanship Sailed" off this album:

Review Your Face Off: Behemoth - "Evangelion"

Behemoth, one of Poland’s best known metal bands, started out as what would be considered a more straight-forward black metal group, but that’s changed over time. Nowadays these fellas deliver a blackened death metal sound, which is fine by me, because I can still get my rage on to it.

Overall, I think this release is pretty solid. There are some songs that I think are great, and there are some songs that I could do without. Musically, Behemoth gives you a big, fat dose of what you’d expect from a blackened death metal band. Generally, everything is at a super fast tempo, and while bludgeoning, the listener still gets the opportunity to hear the amount of talent everyone has. Inferno is fantastic with his drumming, and all guitar work is pretty intense. Behemoth uses a lot of Middle-Eastern influences throughout the compositions, and although they don’t use it nearly as much as a band like Nile, it opens up a certain amount of dimension in a genre that can lead to extremely similar sounding bands. Lyrically, it’s no surprise that most subject matter deals with the occult, and the vocals are kept in a growl.

“Ov Fire and the Void” and “Lucifer” are the standout tracks in my opinion. The others on the album are all good, but they can suffer from starting to sound the same after awhile. I’m not necessarily saying the album gets boring, however; I’m more or less pointing out that you can forget a new song has started.

I would definitely recommend this to someone who’s interested in black metal, death metal, or blackened death metal, but I would slap a disclaimer on there that it’s not going to be the best out there.

Review Your Face Off: Mastodon - "Crack the Skye"

When I got my hands on the new Mastodon, I was mega stoked. Who wouldn’t be? After seeing some of the reviews, I was getting myself ready to take in one of the best releases in a long time. Everyone was shitting themselves over this record. Well, friends, I am sorry to report that this album did not live up to my expectations. I know a million people out there are all going nuts right now saying that I don’t know something good when I hear it, but let me explain.

To begin, I need to point out that this album is a lot different than the albums of the past. Most of the edge from previous releases has been dropped in favor of what most people will likely call a more “focused approach.” Then again, remember how when Metallica started to suck, people said they were becoming more focused? I’m not saying that Mastodon is on its way to the world of suckdom, but I am saying that focus doesn’t always make for a better result. The ambition is certainly present on this album, and I give them all the credit in the world for that, but I am just left wanting more. On this release the band is purely progressive metal. The harsh vocals are completely gone, and there are obvious Pink Floyd influences present, among other heavy hitters in the progressive rock and progressive metal worlds. It’s also a lot catchier than anything they have done before. That can be good or bad, depending on how you want to look at it.

There is nothing wrong with Mastodon wanting to pursue an even more progressive sound than before. They do a good job of it. However, they do not do the best job of it. While all the major publications are going to be hailing this as one of the most important metal albums in some time, we need to remember that Mastodon is not an underground band anymore, and many of these magazines aren’t aware of what lesser known bands are doing. So to them, this is mind-blowing, but to a lot of people immersed in this type of music, other bands have already done much better and will continue to. While this record is an enjoyable listen, it doesn’t really hold up to an ISIS album for example. Perhaps an even better comparison would be to Between the Buried and Me’s “Colors,” which was fairly astounding in its progressiveness, but still managed to keep a huge amount of heaviness.

So while I was hoping I could place “Crack the Skye” into the “So Sick It Hurts” category, I simply can’t. It is by most standards a very good album, but it just lacked the punch I was hoping for.


Here is the video from "Divinations." You need to wait through some crap at the beginning. Another point, notice how this is shown on some TV Guide channel. What's the deal guys?

Review Your Face Off: Cannabis Corpse - "Tube of the Resinated"

So what happens when you really love death metal and also really love the potweed? Well, you could just sit around getting high in your parents’ basement, or you could start a sweet band. Cannabis Corpse decided to do the latter, and I can just imagine the session that inspired the name.

Seeing as CC includes members of Municipal Waste, they already had an idea of how to get off their ripped asses and start making music. I bet a lot of pizza and snacks were involved in the process. But no matter what got them moving, the result is pretty great. I’m not arguing for or against the use of the happy plant, but no matter how you look at it, death metal songs with titles like “Mummified in Bong Water” and “Addicted to Hash in a Tin” are going to put a smile on your face.

More important than the song titles, of course, is the music, and this shit is pretty rad. Each song on the album had me tapping my foot. The band also has a lot of talent, stoned or not, so the record doesn’t get boring or repetitive. And the overall humor of what’s going on adds a nice spice. You know, kind of the way syrup adds to that tical blunt you’ve been saving.

While this is far from the greatest metal album I have ever heard, it is an enjoyable listen. I would certainly recommend it. Plus, I bet if you brought this over to your Bonnaroo-loving, corduroy-wearing, scooter-riding friend’s place, he’d totally respect you more. Actually, probably not, fucking hippie.



Here's CC tearing it up live with "Sentenced to Burn One" from the album:

Review Your Face Off: Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - "Living for Death, Destroying the Rest"

The name of this band sucks. I mean, it seriously sucks. It's probably one of the lamest names I have ever heard. It would be one thing if you could tell the name was a joke, like Cannabis Corpse for example, but I don't think that's the case for these guys. I think they just have a shitty name.

Fortunately, even though the band name may be completely stupid, the music is pretty good. There aren't a lot of bands coming out with straight-up thrash albums anymore, but RSG thinks that shouldn't be the case. Because of this, they drop Living for Death, Destroying the Rest on us, and I thank them for it.

While this isn't the greatest record I have ever heard, it kept me thoroughly interested from beginning to end. It's got the sweet speed of thrash, but also manages to keep some melody. And of course the riffage is gnarlier than being in middle school and seeing your best friend's older sister having a naked pillow fight with her hot buddies. Those were the days...

I would say this album could actually bring some interest back to a genre of metal that is usually only looked upon for nostalgia. While your mind will always immediately flash to the Big Four when thrash is mentioned, I think RSG manages to update the style with a bit more technicality and ingenuity than a Megadeth album. Check it out!

Here's some ridiculous video I found by someone who thought it would be a good idea to put RSG's "Darkness Never Ending" over Braveheart clips. Whatever.

Review Your Face Off: SOS- "Adult Situations"

First, I would like to apologize for the lack of the usual album cover photo. This album is not released as of yet, and all I had was a promo copy. In case you really want to know what that promo copy looked like, it was all black and had "SOS" and "Adult Situations" printed on it. I'm not sure what the font was. I apologize for that. I know there is one person out there who really wants to know. Let me just say they didn't use Comic Sans, which was a good choice.

Alright, Bellions, let's move onto the album. I have to say straight off that I was a bit surprised at what these NYC boys sounded like after taking a gander at the press release. With the references to hardcore and punk dropped into the text, I was expecting something with a decent amount of edge. This edge, however, is not present. This album seems to be more like a hair metal meets alternative rock hybrid. While there were some slight allusions to thrash and even horror punk, the overall feel is much tamer.

I guess in the big scheme of things I would have to say I wouldn't listen to this album merely for my enjoyment. I get where they are going with it, I guess. You can tell the band is trying to create music to mimic a rock n' roll lifestyle, but it just doesn't have enough power to really get you into much of a wild mood. While the musicians are all decent, it's just not my style of music. Plus, I think the lyrics need work. They are very standard, like most lyrics that are forced into rhyme schemes. I will be happy the day rock bands finally realize that rhyming is stupid, and one can say a lot more without trying to fit into the standards of pop music.

So there you have it. The album isn't terrible, but it's also not good. If you really like auto-wah, however, you'll find it used a lot on this record. Now THAT'S info you can use to make a decision!

Check these guys out and decide for yourself at the band's website or their Myspace

Review Your Face Off: All Shall Perish - "Awaken the Dreamers"

All Shall Perish as always been fucking killer in my book. The Price of Existence was totally gnarly, and it accompanied many times while riding the L into work. Honestly, is there anything better than starting your morning off to blistering metal? Besides morning sex, the answer is no. Needless to say, when I got my grubby little hands on ASP's latest release, Awaken the Dreamers, I was pretty stoked. And while I don't think this album really pushes the band into any extremely new territory, it's still pretty solid and has some differences than past releases.

I'm not going to go through the album track by track, but there were some specific songs worth mentioning. The first track, entitled "When Life Meant More," ripped my face off right from the start. Seriously, I have no face anymore. It's gone. Although, in all honesty, I look much more pleasing to ladies now. So not only did I get a fuckshark jam, I also got more dates as well. Thanks, dudes! "Black Gold Reign" kind of stood out to also, because halfway through this bad mammajamma, there are some ridiculous Iron Maidenesque vocals that just made me smile. Nive homage guys. Toward the middle of album, however, some of the tracks are pretty questionable. They start to slow down and have more of a ballad feel to them. These songs include the title track and "Memories of a Glass Sancyuary," and they should have been left off the record. To be perfectly frank, these songs blow and are a disruption in relation to the rest of the release.

But don't fret, fellow readers. The band gets back on track after those shithole songs. From here on out, things return to just plain punishing, as we all would expect. The range of vocals that "Eddie" Hermida gives is more than impressive, and he does switches up styles a lot more on this release than those in the past. There are also a lot more backing vocals laid over each other, which gives a good amount of depth. As usual, the guitars slay and the drumwork is relentless.

Overall, this is a pretty good release. It may not be "So Sick" worthy, but it's still worth getting. Pop this baby in and rage, you rat bastards!

Performing "Never Again" live. Just skip the stupid "Mundane" bullshit at the beginning.

Review Your Face Off: The Acacia Strain - "Continent"

Ever since I first heard ...And Life Is Very Long, The Acacia Strain has been one of my favorite bands. Each consecutive release seemed to destroy the album prior, and I because of that I was never disappointed. They just seemed to get heavier and more destructive as time went on, both musically and lyrically. This allowed me to get super stoked before each record dropped, and this time around, the same feeling washed over me.

But my reaction this time was much different than what I was used to. For the first time since I started listening to this band, I am not blown away by the newest release. There, I said it. I'm sorry. But here at the Belly we speak the truth, and I can't be more truthful than that.

Don't get me wrong, Continent is not bad by any means. But as soon as I heard that very first song, I could tell something was wrong. I think what hit me straight off was Vince's voice. He's straining on this album. A lot. His voice has always been pretty incredible, and I think this time he was trying to be more brutal than usual. But it just doesn't work. I can't get over it. It's like when your friend is talking to you, and he's got a huge hunk of chicken stuck to his beard, and you can't pay attention to a damn word he's saying, even though he's admitting he got drunk with your sister one night and now she's pregnant. Vince's voice just subtracts from everything else. It took me forever before I could finally sit and pay attention to music in the background, and even then, it was mediocre.

While the album's guitars remain crushing, a lot of cheesy riffage was added. I always loved the way these guys would straight out chug the shit out of your face until your ears bled, but I understand that bands want to mature, also. Problem is, the soloing on this record doesn't seem to sit well over the off timings the band is known for. It sounds forced at times. I don't know. I can't place my finger on it exactly. It just bugs me.

I wish I didn't have to say it, but there is a reason this album didn't make it to the famed "So Sick It Hurts" section. It just falls short of all my expectations. Sure, you can still tell it's The Acacia Strain, and it will certainly piss off your mom when you put it in the player on the way to church, but I just wanted more. Check it out for yourself and see what you think. It's worth the listen, but don't expect to be crapping yourself over it.

here's the band playing the album's opener Skynet:

Review Your Face Off: Long Live the Smoking Gun - "We Build Empires"

It may surprise you to learn that this LLSG album was recorded with only two members. When you give this record a first listen, it sounds like a full on band with multiple guitarists. But, as I said, it’s not. Adam Taylor handles the drum work, and Rob Easter pulls off the rest. That includes vocals, all guitar layering, and bass. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself, especially since my version of a two man band would be me playing guitar and a friend playing triangle. In the end I’d probably kick that guy out anyway for not drinking enough whiskey and finding me enough slutty tang. So straight off, you have to give credit for the accomplishment of recording a record that certainly has more shit going on than most two-man ensembles, because we all know the White Stripes suck.

But more importantly, one should give these gentlemen credit for putting out a good record. As soon as you drop the needle on this thing, “Justice is a Ghost Town” comes out blazing with ripping guitars and the sense of urgency you feel when you realize your face is on fire. And guess what; that feeling pretty much sticks through the entire album. Except for “Goodmen,” which is more of a low key track, this thing is full of riffage and swagger. That makes for 4 songs of fighting music and 1 song to catch your breath in between. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell am not complaining. Plus, this bad boy is tinged with some of that Southern rock feel I have been hearing so much about. Seems the Southwest, from whence these boys hail, is all about that these days. I say go for it, because it makes my butt dance, and that’s pretty much how I decide what I like and what I don’t like.

I mean, you can't really go wrong with this album. It's got a good amount of punch to it, so it's sure to have you rocking. It's also well executed. You can tell there is talent within these guys. Since 1912 Records (the label that released this album) has been putting out some great shit, you know what you're in for: a good time.

So check Long Live the Smoking Gun out. I’ll put money on it that you won’t be disappointed, because we here at the Belly only like good music and fast women. Unfortunately, only good music is generally accessible for us.

Review Your Face Off: Horrorpops - "Kiss Kiss Kill Kill"

This review started out as cheerful work banter via email. But as suggested by the Hellion, I have relocated it here for you all to see.

Summary of the new Horrorpops for your reading pleasure:

Song 1 – Thelma And Louise: You hear the title of the track said maybe about 5,000 times.

Funny Point Of Song: Just painful to hear the words ‘Thelma and Louise’ about 8 million times.

Song 2 – Missfit: Sounds like a 15 year old girl wrote it screaming about how she’s a ‘Missfit’ by someone else’s standards cause she wants to dye her hair and she’s from the wrong side of town.

Funny point of song: A breakdown of the music to ‘Our House’ but replace lyrics with “my fist, in the middle of your face.”

Song 3 – Boot To Boot: Just boring

Funny Point Of Song: None, just boring

Song 4 – Disco: Not that bad but not really that good either.

Funny Point Of Song: 80’s toms being used and her singing “I don’t know why anyone would want to dress up like an 80’s whore” after she goes on to sing in second song about tired of people oppressing her and not understanding her.

Song 5 – Kiss Kiss Kill Kill: This title track sounds like they were trying to make it epic for their sound. It’s not that bad again but I think we’ve found two more words she likes more than Thelma and Louise.

Funny Point Of Song: Wasn’t paying too much attention to the songs at this point, actually reading an article summary on how bear’s guard Roberto Garza met the Mexican president or some jazz.

Song 6 – Everythings Everything: Another love song in their arsenal of horror rock love songs.

Funny Point Of Song: At several points in the song it sounds like a track from an 80’s movie like 16 candles, breakfast club, etc. Funny after taking the time to make fun of 80’s music in “disco”

Song 7 – Hitchcock Starlet: Kudos for the title and thunder & lightning in intro (we can assume there’s lightning, although all audio, because thunder and the ol’ boltz go hand in hand). Here is where I notice that they really have an indescript sound except for at a couple key points where they strum a chord and you go oh there’s what they’re going for.

Funny Point Of Song: ‘She’s Like A Curry. I Want To Tell Her How Hot She Is, But She’ll Think I’m Being Sexist. She’s So Hot She’s Making Me Sexist. Bitch.’ Flight Of The Conchords is better.

Song 8 – Highway: I’ve given up 6 songs ago at finding a decent song on this album. So I turn my attention to something else after the first 15 seconds of a song. I’ve got nothing.

Funny Point Of Song: Thelma and Louise have gained a new partner, Lucille. Cool…

Song 9 – Horrorbeach Part 2: Is an instrumental surf rock-esque jam that I spent more time thinking about sea creatures during. It would be easy to write something about being glad about not hearing part 1 but it’s not even worth it.

Funny Point Of Song: I noticed on a previous funny point of song I wrote Poiny instead of Point. What? I don’t have much left I’m being bored by this album and the song. I’ve started this now I feel I must finish. Feel has the word eel in it. They’re in the deep cavernous areas of the water.

Song 10 – Refugee: I wonder if she consulted Wyclef (spell check yields Wycliffe which is much better) Jean on the lyrics of this one? No, I don’t think Wyclef has an interest in Copenhagen nor their refugees.

Funny Point Of Song: Writing Poiny instead of Point again. Also, hearing the words ‘Copenhagen Refugee’ and it being earnest attempt at being patriotic.

Song 11 – My Picture: Was on the covers of some magazines so now I will decide to suck it up. That’s what she was thinking. She’s also thinking ‘why did I get involved with a guy who likes to fuck dead chicks? I’m alive and sexually frustrated cause of my decision.”

Funny Point Of Song: Thinking about huffing on the dust off that’s sitting next to my CPU and hoping the song passes by the time the buzz ends. It’s funny how when I don’t like a song of theirs it’s really grating to me.

Song 12 – Private Hall Of Shame: Thank goodness it’s the last one and I don’t have to really do anything at work right now.

Funny Point Of Song: I skipped through it and 4 of the 5 spots I stopped at were ‘la la lada da’. Also noticed that section of my amazing review of this album was originally intended to be a positive section for the album but turned out to just be more goof juice* on their faces.

And just so you all know, the this album is available via Amazon for 2 terds, a kite, and some ants on a log (celery, peanut butter, and raisins). But my advice to you is flush the waste, fly the kite while enjoying a fun lunch time snack possibly reminiscent of your childhood.

*Thanks to Bernat, Kenny for the use of the words ‘goof juice’ together to form a funny way to say ejaculate.

Review Your Face Off: Bullet for My Valentine - "Scream Aim Fire"

Many people may think we here at the Belly just love everything since we've never put up a bad review about an album. That is changing right now. We cannot let our readers believe we are not up to the challenge of tearing apart a shitty album, because we most certainly are! In fact, it's more fun half the time ripping on a load of heaping garbage anyway. It lets the world see how big of jerks we actually are. So what record are we going to use to unleash this new column? Well, how about a really bad one? Yeah? That's what you want? You got it! Enter Bullet for My Valentine's "Scream Aim Fire."

While the band name alone should let everyone know that shit is about to follow, the album name certainly gives a second warning. Not only that, but did you know you can get a special edition of this crap with a 1 GB bullet-shaped USB storage device included? I shit you not, at least according to their Myspace. Oh, the joys of marketing. But why would someone have to be drawn to this album with free gifts? Um... because it fucking blows, that's why. These cum guzzlers are doing their best to be all thrash-metal about it, but instead this album just sounds like an uninformed shot at Metallica's sound with a touch of whatever they are calling the music My Chemical Romance plays these days.. It's beyond basic and mediocre. And, oh boy, some of the songs have cheesy keyboards! Hoo-fucking-ray! I sure am glad all the other scenester 'metal' bands out there aren't trying that! This is so new and awesome!

The lyrics hit a new high on the laughable meter, and the vocals themselves are hella lame. Homeboy's got no range and sure likes to sing. The song structures are boring, and these d-baggers seem to see the need to work in an epic rock ballad in between every few songs. It's completely watered down for MTV consumption and then some. Hasn't anyone figured out that poppy metal is an oxymoron? I'm labeling this 'petal metal.' In case you don't get it, it's metal for teenage girls that still have their hymens in tact. This shit is worse than From Autumn to Ashes. Not possible, you say? Put money on it and listen to this. I'll let you know where to mail the cash.

Seriously, do yourself a favor and shoot your little sister before she buys this so you never have to hear it. You know which one I'm talking about; the one with the pink streak in her hair and the Atreyu sweatshirt. She has a pair of Converse All-Stars that she really thinks are punk and a messenger bag with 'The Used' embroidered on it from Hot Topic. Still don't know which one? Come on, man! The one that's 12 and uses all your mom's money to buy records with dying roses and crying girls on the packaging! Alright, now you remember. Yeah, make sure she doesn't get this, because if you ever have to drive her to the mall to buy more socks to wear on her arms, I guarantee she'll try to pop this into the CD player. Trust me, you'd rather hear pussy farts.