Sunday, November 25, 2007

Let It Out, Brother: Graphic Hoodies

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Sometimes we here at BFoH just want to vent. It's good to not bottle everything up inside, and I can't think of any way better to release steam than ranting out to the world. Since pretty much everyone in the entire world reads this blog, it's obviously the perfect place to accomplish such a feat. So what is it that is bugging me so much that I chose to set up an entirely new column for it? Graphic hoodies, that's what.

I fucking hate graphic hoodies. I think they are the platform shoes of our generation. Not only are they completely idiotic looking, but they are a staple for the dumbfuck hipster culture that has been pervading our world for the past few years. I don't get it, hipsters. You guys are all trying to act like you're so different and avant garde, yet every single one of you people are an exact clone of the person before you. Yeah, that's pretty different of you. Womens jeans and graphic hoodies. Sounds good to me, as long as every other idiot that listens to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah has one. You boners are just so anti-conformist that you must conform to your anti-conformity. That really makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Actually, no, it doesn't. And on top of it, you people use the most ridiculous ways of trying to show your hipster status, graphic hoodies included.

Unfortunately, I work in a building that has recently started leasing floors to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Now, being forced to hang out around art schools is pretty rough in the first place, but the Art Institute is by far the most disgusting venue for these loser I have ever seen. Swarms of hipsters are just lurking around, reading Dry, wearing graphic hoodies, and eating tofu. Self-righteousness oozes from their pores, at least the pores that are not covered by hairstyles that include mullets and Hammer steps. It must suck when it gets kind of cold and these douchebags have to decide whether they should put up their graphic hood and hide their awesome hair or just brave it out. It's really insane.

So why make the topic of this graphic hoodies and not just hipsters in general? Well, it's because these stupid sweatshirts are the most recent way of ensuring everyone knows where one stands on the hipster ladder. They all fucking have them. The more obnoxious it is, the hipper you are. I've seen some with really stupid graphics. Money, buildings, shoes. What will be next? I say these people should just jump straight to wearing a hoodie that has the name of every hip band they have ever listened to on it, you know, like those basketball jeans with all the teams. Those jeans say "I like basketball. I like basketball so much that I will not just support one team, but I will support EVERY team, as long as it's a basketball team." Since hipsters can't decide for themselves what music they like, if they get a hoodie with every hip band, it will say, "I like being hip. In fact, I like the fact that people know I'm hip over whether or not I can think for myself and actually pick out good music, so I'll just wear this monstrosity that has every band Pitchfork said was cool on it." Maybe I'll sell this clothing. I could get rich off of Hipster A's parents' money. Sweet. Money is always better when you know it's someone's parent's.

So there you have it. That was my first rant. It felt good. It felt healthy. Plus, I managed to come up with a killer business plan while writing it. My next post will be from my yacht.

6 comments:

shandar said...

have you seen this yet? its quite hilarious...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAO4EVMlpwM

Spleen Latifa said...

that video actually takes place a few blocks from my apartment.... oh, the horror.

Anonymous said...

I think you should be mad at somethig else like starving kids in America or corrupt polotics, or something. The only reason I rean your rant is because I found it while i was shopping for graphic hoodies. I like the one pictured before all your babble. Do you know who makes it? Remember it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Lighten up.

Anonymous said...

You know what I strongly dislike are people who HATE the growning creative culture in this country, they are members of the status quo, they work for 'The Department of Labels and Stereotypes' Why slam people who wear graphic hoodies or anything graphic at all? SO WHAT...what the hell is a hipster anyway? what do you wear? im a graphic artist and if I can wear my art and sell it at the same time I think thats awesome!

Your "rant" states that "hipsters" are losers and are idiotic...plus you diss the artists around you, wow bro did an artist steal your girlfriend or something? OH WAIT maybe you cant draw or think creatively...i bet you have one of those "hip" Ipods how many graphic tees are in your closet or maybe you HATE those too ! If were not for artist everything would suck just like your "rant" about graphic hoodies ! I dont eat tofu either nor do i wear jeans with logos. The people who wear graphic Hoodies are expressing individuality, you can find one for what ever your mindset...maybe they have one covered in assholes, it fit you just fine !

Matthew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Hellion said...

The Spleen pretty much sums it up. Seeing as you were actually shopping for graphic hoodies and accidentally came across our site, it's obvious that 1) you don't read this blog and see how much of it involves having a sense of humor, and 2) you ACTUALLY LIKE GRAPHIC HOODIES, so of course you're going to get your panties in a bundle. I don't need to go into the idea of giving up your individuality by doing the same thing as everybody else, because that was already covered. I would like to point out that it's funny how quick you are to jump on my back about something after you just attacked me for doing it to hipsters. But isn't being part of the "mainstream underground" all about being hypocritical anyway? I have nothing against the "growing creative culture" in this country. The problem is that the culture you reference is no longer creative.

And you're right, I don't have an iPod. Sorry, bro.